When I received my star word in the mail, I ripped open the envelope with great anticipation.  What would it be?  Patience?  Love?  Kindness? Or perhaps even courage? Whatever it was I knew it would be a challenge but I would rise up to it. 

But when I tore open the envelop and looked at it, my face fell. It was gratitude. Gratitude!  What kind of a word is that, I thought. Michael opened up his word and it was joy.  Perhaps we could just trade. No one would know.  Yes, that’s we would do.  However, I looked at him and didn’t even ask because he appeared immersed and reflective about his word.  So I was stuck with gratitude.

I’ll have to be honest, at first I didn’t even think about it.  I ignored it and the yellow star got buried on my dining room table.  As the days went by I forgot about it until Kim asked me to say a few words in worship.  I thought, “I can’t do that.  Everyone would know that I hadn’t even thought about it,”  

However, there was a bigger reason why I couldn’t speak. In Kansas City, my 100 year old grandmother was in hospice and I was thinking about visiting. I wasn’t sure I would even be at COM.  I decided not to go to Kansas City so I listened to the three folks who shared their words on zoom.

Listening to them peaked my interest. I dragged it out from the pile and thought about it.  Gratitude.  Why did Betty Jane give me this word?  Perhaps she prayed about which word to give each person and the Spirit moved her.   I decided she must have pulled it out of a hat or something. 

I missed the first worship where folks shared their words but I since I saw the second, I decided to reflect on mine.  I prayed and thanked God for all the good things in my life.  I thanked God for my dog Chip, my husband Michael who is always there for me even when my depression strikes.

I thanked God for Joyce Hollyday who helped me write a book.  I thanked God for my house which I could never afford to buy today if we hadn’t bought it in 2005 before the West Asheville strip became the place to be.

But something still didn’t feel right.  Why wasn’t my word “thanks” or “thankful?”   So I looked it up in the dictionary. 

Webster’s said gratitude is: “A feeling of thankful appreciation for favors or benefits received; thankfulness.”  Yes, thankfulness is there but the first part of the definition means a whole lot more than simply being thankful.   

I thought about Horace Tribble an older Black man who served faithfully every Thursday at the Open Door’s soup kitchen.  He always prayed for an “attitude of gratitude.” I learned later that this is a phrase often used in the Black church. 

Our Black neighbors have to contend with things with which those of us who are white never have to contend.  It’s impossible to thank God for those hardships but it is possible to develop an “attitude of gratitude” which is different than being thank-full.

To me gratitude means one doesn’t have to like everything in life or even be thankful for it but rather to appreciate what it has brought.  I’m not thankful for my brain injury and I would give anything if our car hadn’t been struck by another car causing me to sustain it. 

I do appreciate some of the things it has given me.  I’ve been able to step out of the crazy life of busyness that I used to have.  I’ve been able to slow down and see – really see – God’s creation for what it is.  I’ve been able to spend more time with God and in prayer.  Being grateful is more expansive – it’s deeper than simply being thankful.  It strikes at the heart of what it means to be a follower of God.