We are going to Raleigh next week to take my violin and Viola, have work done and put them up for consignment in one of the shops there. We went to Charlotte a couple of years ago and had a violin shop there look at them. They thought the shop in Raleigh would do a better job of making needed repairs. Michael suggested I check with the shop in Charlotte to see what percentage they take off on consignment so we can make a comparison between the three.

What are my feelings about this? I’m not sure. It’s been so long since I’ve played them that I’ve separated myself from them. But they are a big part of my history. I’ve played the violin since 4th grade and I began playing the viola in college. I always thought music would be my career forever but it turned out it was only for a few years. I had quite a large violin studio and I was supporting myself through that and my freelance work. 

The most fascinating freelance job that I had was playing violin in  a duo called Bellows and Bows. It was an accordion and violin duo and e played at parties, weddings and other public events. The most interesting was at the Hyatt Regency hotel where we played for breakfast and lunch. As people ate their pancakes and eggs we played all sorts of tunes that weren’t very difficult but were hard for me to memorize. I remember constantly making mistakes where Kevin just followed right along with whatever I played. He was great and an award winning accordionist. At the time I remember being frustrated because it wasn’t an orchestra and the music was easy. But I looked back on it fondly.

 I remember having difficulty with one of my fingers.  I also decided I would never make a professional orchestra even though I played really well. Technically I was weak but musically I was very good. I’m sad about not playing in an orchestra professionally but as I said before that part of my life is over.

I need to take my instruments out of their cases and think about them because they were such a huge part of my life. I haven’t done that yet but I plan to before we go to Raleigh. It’s possible that I’ll never see those instruments again after going there.

I began teaching private lessons at my parents home when I was in college. They allowed me to teach there for a long time which was quite a commitment on their part. They had to stay out of the dining room where we worked all day Saturday. Finally I left their house and began working in a studio in a shopping center nearby. Those were tough years because I never knew if I would have enough money or not. Freelance work isn’t easy.

The hardest thing about not playing anymore is, playing was the way I expressed my emotions. Expressing emotions is difficult for me but I could do so in my music. Many years later while here in Asheville,  I sang in the choir at Grace Covenant Presbyterian for a while and I was able to express my emotions that way. However singing is not the same for me. even though my voice is OK. It is still difficult expressing my emotions through my voice.

So how do I feel about selling my instruments? I feel empty and lost. Even though I couldn’t play them anymore having them around was a comfort to me. But it isn’t good for instruments to sit around in the case and not be played.  Of course I hope I get a good price for them but I think it’s more important for me to have them played.  I do love them.

Now that I’m 61 I realize that the bulk of my life is over and I wasted so much time worrying. I worried when I was a freelance musician and hoped I would get into an orchestra. After graduating seminary and even while in seminary, I worried about getting a call. After my accident, I worried about finding a way to serve God. Maybe that’s the lesson in selling these instruments. It is time for me to stop worrying and trust God that She will use me for good.