This week Charlie Kirk, a conservative republican political activist was gunned down. There was also another school shooting. Several weeks ago, Melissa Hortman, a democratic Minnesota state senator and former speaker of the house was executed in her own home. Trump ordered flags flown at half mass for Kirk but not for Hortman.  There are also Medicaid cuts on the horizon, so children won’t get the medical help they need.  The list goes on and on and on and on.

When I went to First Presbyterian Church Asheville (FPCA) on Sunday morning, I wondered what Patrick Johnson, the pastor preaching that Sunday, would say.  Making Room for One Another is the theme for the sermon series.  How would he talk about the Charlie Kirk murder and school shootings that happened that week under the constraints of that theme? 

It worked because he spoke of making room for questions.  “When we make room for questions in the life of faith,” he said, “we make room for faith to live, and for God to meet us in the wrestling.”  He went on to ask what happens if we pray for someone’s healing and they only get worse?  What happens when we work for justice and everything in our world seems unjust?  He said, “Scripture shows us that the people who walk closest to God – the prophets, and Job, the psalmists, even Jesus-are often the ones who ask the hardest questions.”

Patrick continued with the book of Habakkuk.  To be honest, I never read Habakkuk and would have to look it up in the table of contents.  The prophet laments that he knows God’s vision for justice, but its absence grieves him.   Something happens between his lament in chapter 1 and his closing thoughts in chapter 3 though.  Nothing in his circumstances has changed.  Patrick said, “The wicked still prosper while the righteous suffer.  And yet.”  Those are the two important words.  And yet.

He quotes Habakkuk again.  “Though the fig tree does not blossom and no fruit is on the vines; through the produce of the olive fails and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult him the God of my salvation.”  Patrick mentions that in his own spiritual journey this “and yet” faith is powerful.  He said it only can be genuine if it’s “been forged through honest questioning.”

Right now, I am questioning God.  What does God want me to do?  I see the pain around me, and I want to do something.  If anyone reads my blog regularly, you know I attend two different churches – one in the morning (FPCA) and one at 5 PM (Circle of Mercy).  Before the service at COM some of us did a role play.  The scenario was children were getting off the bus for school when ICE showed up.  Some people played the role of ICE, others were the undocumented children, others were the neighbors trying to protect the children and a couple of others were media.  I was one of the protectors.

It was an interesting experience.  I hope that if I’m ever in that situation, I will be a positive protector and witness.  My brain injury will probably get in the way because I’m not sure I could handle so much stimulation.  It makes me sad because I want to be part of it.  So, what can I do?  That’s my question along with “and yet.”  All I do know is I need to keep questioning God and being patient for only then will I know my call.