After I swam at the Y this morning, I stopped at Earthfare to pick up seltzer water. After shopping, I always have difficulty finding my car. (spatial orientation) It’s become natural for me to always find some sort of landmark on the row where I park and then look for that landmark when I return. If it’s a complicated parking situation, I usually have to write down the landmark or I won’t remember it.
However, this morning I noticed how simple it was for me to do this. Many years ago, this wasn’t so simple and I often couldn’t find my car in a small parking lot. I mentally patted myself on the back for how much I have grown.
I’m glad this happened today because I’ve been remembering what I could do before my accident and feeling a bit melancholy about this. Whenever someone experiences a deep loss, the sad feelings never go away. They get more muted and appear less often but they’ll always hurt. I used to get a bit angry about this. “My TBI happened in 1996! Surely the pain of that will go away.”
Today I read Romans 8:26-27. I like the Inclusive Bible here: “The Spirit, too, comes to help us in our weakness. For we don’t know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit expresses our plea with groanings too deep for words. And God, who knows everything in our hearts, knows perfectly well what the Spirit is saying, because her intercessions for God’s holy people are made according to the mind of God.”
I don’t know how to pray about my feelings around my losses but Paul’s words remind me, that’s okay. I need to stop and make sure I let the Spirit flow through me. She knows what I cannot express and will help me find a way to express it. I only need to accept the richness that is my life. I still cannot thank God for my brain injury but I will stay open to what is in the future. My shopping trip this morning reminded me how far I have come. Who knows what the future holds?