Yesterday at Circle of Mercy Mahan Siler preached a sermon titled When the Power Goes Out. I must say I could really relate to it. He spoke about powerlessness and how this drives us to prayer.
In his sermon last night Mahan reminded us of I Corinthians 12:7 where Paul writes about the “thorn in his side.” I know that no one knows exactly what this thorn was but I feel my brain injury is the “thorn in my side.” I have never asked God to take my brain injury away as Paul appears to have done with his thorn but it does feel a bit like a thorn.
I have a Presbytery meeting tomorrow and I thought it was at a different place. Since I don’t need to take my nap anymore, I decided not to figure out how to do this during the meeting. I figured I could find a room somewhere at the church, put in my ear plugs and “rest my brain” for a few minutes.
However, I realized over the weekend that the meeting is in an unfamiliar place. Since I don’t do well with the unexpected, I needed to figure out how to deal with my over stimulation. So I called and got directions to where I could go for a break. I need to be prepared for when my spatial orientation stuff kicks in and I have that “flighty” feeling. I can deal with it much better if I think about it happening before it really does happen.
So everything is all set. The problem is, I worry about all the little things that might happen. Will I be able to get to the meeting okay after taking Sparky to “Doggie Daycare?” Will I get overstimulated and have to find a place to “rest my brain?” Will I have difficulty finding my car after the meeting is over? I’ve decided to pack a lunch and will eat in a quiet room somewhere to get out of the stimulation. I saw the button pictured below today and it struck a nerve.
I’m afraid I worry too much about what people think about me. My cognitive therapist reminded me that folks have so much on their minds already, they probably don’t even think about me at all!
At the risk of doing the “proof text” thing, I did rediscover Romans 12:2 today. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God – what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
It doesn’t matter what the world thinks of me. I pray that my mind will be transformed into being what God calls me to be and not what God calls others to be. Sometimes when I see all the other ministers (teaching elders) and elders (ruling elders) I feel bad since I cannot do as much as they can. Our society is so “do” oriented which leaves those of us who are unable to do as much, behind. Yet, I think God really isn’t interested in how much each of us does but rather in how we relate to God and the world around us.
Gracious God, transform me! I cannot do it myself even though I too often try. Amen