I know I have fewer neurons in my brain now so it takes much less to wear me out. Perhaps I got too excited these past few days and have tried to do too much. In any case, it is time for me to regroup.
I loved the choir rehearsal Wednesday night. My old “perfectionism” got in the way though. Why do I always feel like I have to do everything just right? Shoot, it was my first rehearsal and it doesn’t matter if I hit some clinkers. Well, I didn’t hit many clinkers but I’m always so self-conscious and get down on myself too easily. I haven’t sung in a choir in over 20 years so of course I’m going to be rusty!
It’s difficult to see what the picture at left is but it shows my files on disability and brain injury. I went through my files this week and I’m trying to organize them. In order to get them out of way, I simply put them on a shelf in my bedroom and I’ll deal with them later. I did, however, look through them to find my information from a class called “brain group” that I took in rehab. I know my graphs and such are really simplistic but I really like having a understanding of what happened to me.
My whole brain bounced around in the accident so the damage isn’t in a particular lobe but rather all of the lobes. Everyone has different challenges since every brain injury is different. It seems many of my challenges come from damages to the frontal lobe or what is called “the boss.” Organizing and planing happens here which are definitely my weaknesses.
In fact, lately I may be trying to do too much organizing, planning, reasoning and concentrating which all come from that lobe. I’ve been trying to do some Scriptural study and got interested in finding a progressive way to view Paul. I emailed folks who might know and ended up getting some good book ideas. In addition, I want to improve my singing so I’ve been trying to figure out how to practice.
I’ve been doing too much organizing and concentrating which means I must “rest my brain.” I can do this in several ways but one way is to do something fun and relaxing. I decided to burn some incense, close my eyes and listen to a recording I have of Poeme mystique, a piece for violin and piano written in 1924 by Ernest Block.
I love this piece. I played it for a recital for my Master’s degree in Violin Performance years ago. I read the liner notes today which said, “The inspiration for the Poeme was an unusual dream that he had after an intense period of crisis and illness. The dream was emotionally charged, unreal and ecstatic.” This explains why I have always been able to relate to this piece. I’m not in crisis now but it is not an easy time. The liner notes continue, “This is a most ‘uncerebral’ composition. In our day and time this work has made a comeback – being played more often recently perhaps as an antidote to our disturbed epoch.”
So I’m going to continue doing what I’m doing but take more breaks when I do. I may not be able to do this but I want to try.