It’s happened again.  Sometimes I really hate having a traumatic brain injury.  I try pushing my limitations but sometimes I just can’t do it.

This Saturday there was a training session put on by the Mennonite Action Training Tour.  It’s an all-day session called To Build Our Courage. With everything that is going on in our world – ICE kidnapping our neighbors off the street, the violence Gaza and authoritarianism on the rise across the US – we need some sort of training to resist.

There’s a huge winter storm expected this weekend, so the workshop has been postponed to late February. I began writing this before the cancelation, but my words are still true.    

It is an all-day workshop with 150 folks registered.  It will take place at Land of the Sky UCC church which is where my night church meets. I signed up for it thinking there might be 70 people attending but then I discovered there were 150 people going. There’s going to be role plays along with lecture sessions. 

Several weeks ago, there was a workshop like this that was only two or three hours.  It consisted of lectures and role plays which were by volunteers and in front of the group.  I found it challenging but it was manageable.

Readers of this blog know that I have overstimulation and cognitive overload challenges. It makes me so mad and I really hate it.  After thinking long and hard about the workshop and whether I could manage my challenges – I decided it wasn’t a good fit for me and cancelled.  It’s going to have a lot of good information and I’m sorry I’m going to miss it.

In fact, right now I’m angry about this brain injury.  Really angry.  I think often about Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief and remember what one of my neuropsychologists (Dr. Brooks) said.  The stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  According to Kuber-Ross, they occur in order.  Brooks said they don’t occur in order but are more like a spiral.  One can go back to any stage frequently.

After 30 years, I have returned to anger.   I’ll probably skip bargaining and jump to Depression and acceptance.   So right now I’m concerned about the storm and angry that I won’t be going to the workshop.  Not a great combination but in time it will be okay.