My experiment to try to be more involved with things is certainly a bit of challenge for me now. When I was in Atlanta, I often became overloaded cognitively which meant too much information was coming at me and the only way I could handle it was to shut out the world for a few days. I also experienced mental fatigue since I have fewer neurons in my brain now. I vividly remember being so tired I had to lay on the sofa for a couple of days until I could function again. So when I moved here to Asheville, I dropped out of everything. The problem? I got bored. Now I’m trying to find some balance.
Next week, I have something four nights in a row. On top of that, I have other things I need to do on Sunday. My responsible side wants to do it all but because of my TBI, this no longer is posssible. The realty is, in our society everyone is too busy. Those of us who have brain injuries and other disabilities have to slow down and I believe we can teach the rest of the world this wisdom.
As for my schedule, I’ve made the decision to skip some events. I do understand folks tend to give me a “pass” because of my disability but I think everyone needs to really stop and ask themselves why they are so busy. Does it make us feel more important if our calendars are full? Are we afraid to spend time with those we love? Do we think we are following God by having a packed schedule?
One of my Facebook friends posted the following prayer by Thomas Merton today in celebration of his birthday. It’s a prayer I need to hear just now.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
I do not know where I am going just as I didn’t know back in 1996 when I had my TBI. But it’s not just me. Many of us don’t know where we are going. I need to make choices so I can enjoy what God has given me and not have to spend my days sleeping on the couch! Like before, God will lead me through this wilderness. As Merton said, I may have no idea what is happening but it will happen. I do believe that God is always with me, and I will not be left alone.
Do you feel you’re too busy? How can you adjust your schedule so this isn’t the case? If you have a brain injury, do you struggle with your limitations?