This picture is a National Geographic image that was modified to contain all the seasons of the year. I like it because it contains the moon AND the sun – two images that are important to my faith. The moon reminds me that even in the darkness, God is there. The sun reminds me of Jesus words in John 9:5 ” As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Even though he is no longer in the world, I believe the Spirit who Jesus left with us, is the light of the world.
I needed both images this morning because it seems everything went wrong. I had a Presbytery meeting today so I dropped my dog off at the doggie daycare place before heading to the meeting. Due to my spatial orientation issues, I got confused leaving and ended up driving the wrong way on the highway. It wasn’t as simple as just driving the wrong way but I got on the wrong highway and then couldn’t figure out how to get back to where I was supposed to go. I didn’t use my GPS because I had read an article in the New York Times about how these sorts of time savers are causing people to use less neurons in our brains so we’re losing brain power. I figured since I had been there before and since I had what I thought were good directions, I’d be okay.
When will I ever learn not to take risks when it involves directions to anywhere? The article was about folks who do not have a brain injury and therefore it didn’t apply to me. Like it or not, my brain injury changes everything about how I function in the world so I got major lost. When I finally figured out where I was after about 45 minutes, I was experiencing cognitive overload. I decided to stop at a gas station, get some gas and calm myself down.
I’ve learned to make choices based on their costs. The cost of going to the meeting was, I would be exhausted and have no energy tomorrow. Since tomorrow I have a dinner meeting where I need to have as many of my mental faculties as possible, I decided I would just go home and skip today’s meeting. My over responsible self began thinking, “I’m a member of Presbytery and I didn’t get an excused absence and it’s close enough for me to attend so I should attend.” However, my good judgement kicked in and since I had no responsibility at the meeting and going would mean I wouldn’t be cognitively present for my meeting tomorrow, I decided to return home.
Having a brain injury means I can’t do it all or even do all that is expected of me. I think I do expect too much of myself though. It is hard but I suspect it is hard for anyone whether they have a brain injury or not. In our society expectations run very high. Having a brain injury is helping me see how our expectations are often too high for everyone. God doesn’t ask or expect this of any of us.
I’m glad I saw this picture of the moon and sun today for it reminds me not to be so hard on myself. This is a tall order but it is one I hope with God’s help, I’ll fulfill.