I married late in life but I never had a burning desire to have children. I always assumed I would have them but I wasn’t in any hurry. I loved being around other people’s children and I especially liked doing the children’s time at church. I remember when I first started doing it, I worried about it which I seem to do about everything that I do for the first time.

My TBI happened three months after my marriage. I was in an induced coma in one hospital while Michael was in another. The other Associate Pastor of the church I served put a notebook in the waiting room for people to sign when they came to visit. I wasn’t allowed any visits and this was a way for folks to respond to my accident. I treasure this notebook today and I appreciate seeing the notes from the many people who visited. I must say, I am surprised at the various folks who came to the hospital. Perhaps I’ll write a post about that time but today I want to write a little about children.

I can’t imagine having children when I was injured. I was sensitive to noise (I still am but it is much better) and the thought of having children playing in the house when I was trying to recover, is unbearable to me. Many brain injury survivors have children and I can’t imagine the challenges. I never even thought about adding children to the mix.

I think often folks have a desire to leave part of themselves behind when they die. Having children is one way to do this. I do feel a sense of loss at not having children but I’ll have to leave a sense of myself behind in other ways. I do believe that too often, folks use children to give them a sense of self and I imagine this is a challenge for people who do have children.

At Grace Covenant years ago, I volunteered to help in one of the children’s classes for two weeks. It wasn’t any more chaotic than any other children’s‘ class but I just couldn’t take the stimulation. At Circle of Mercy, the children leave worship to play during the sermon. Volunteers help the paid sitter then and I might try it once to see if I can do it. It would be a way to be around a small group of children which may be okay for me. It’s another example of trying something to see if it works since having a TBI requires flexibility.

How are you around children after having a TBI? Do you have any children? Feel free to comment here (commenting instructions are above right) but feel free t0 comment directly to me at I’m unable to respond to your comment here due to technical difficulties but I read every one.