A couple of weeks ago, I led communion for Circle of Mercy congregation. I always like to do some sort of call to the table that refers to the sermon that was preached. This is easier when I preach the sermon but harder when I don’t. Since I don’t think on my feet, I always have to plan whatever I say in advance.
On this Sunday, Marc Mullinax was preaching and he described in advance what he was going to try to do in his sermon. Since I’m somewhat of a perfectionist I often spend way too much time on anything I say trying to get it just right. What I realize now is my perfectionism was (and is) a way I live out all my insecurities. I can no longer spend hours and hours on anything since I am able to focus less now. An hour max is all I can do before I have to “rest my brain” a bit.
So when Marc asked me to lead communion, I realized I couldn’t spend a lot of time on it. I knew it would stress me out because speaking in public always does. However, I like doing it and I do believe I have a gift for it so I try and deal with the challenges involved. I set aside a short period of time and something came to my mind.I wrote it on a little 3×5 card because, though only a few sentences, I knew I wouldn’t remember them when the time came. I prayed that God would use my words and then I put my 3×5 card away.
God worked through my weaknesses and communion was meaningful. Yes, I was nervous. Yes, I worried about having difficulty reading my card. Yes, I was afraid I’d forget the words of institution. But what did I learn from this? First, I must set limits and stick to them. Second, I must trust the Spirit to work through me. God does give what is necessary to accomplish what we are called to do. Sometimes I forget this and think I have to do it all. God doesn’t call any of us to push and push until we collapse. God provides what we need, perhaps through other people or other events. We don’t have to do it all and it’s selfish for us to think otherwise.
What things have you learned from your weaknesses (a brain injury or anything else)?When is it difficult to trust God? Feel free to comment by checking the anonymous box or contact me directly firstname.lastname@example.org